我不想再道歉

TMD...
最近不知道發生了什麼事。

不管做什麼，一定被認為我是錯的。

我心情差，希望你不要再說下去，我只是說我們可以不要再談了嗎
你卻說，我沒有禮貌。
因為我喜歡你，所以很多話，我說不出口。
即使你的話讓我傷痕累累。
我什麼都不能要求，因為你和我並不是男女朋友的關係。
你昨天說，當初本來就不打算和我在一起。
痛～在黑夜裡流眼淚，你何曾心疼過？
愛一個人好難，我開始討厭我自己，自從愛上了你之後，得到的只是教訓。
我道歉了，雖然不是我的錯。
當我不道歉，你卻認為我幼稚，不肯認錯。
年齡的差距，真的有那麼多差別？
我知道你每天戴著面具對外人，可是對我的時候，溫柔一點會死嗎？

另一個，我只是雙雙提及你的junior，你卻說annoying..
那當你說我的時候，我又說些什麼嗎？
不要和我說什麼粗口，你以為每個人都要遷就你嗎？
霸道。

你做錯就沒事，我只是稍微提起，那就是我的錯。
白痴，你們玩我的時候，我有真的生氣過嗎？
你們的解釋，開玩笑而已嘛。
那我應該說什麼？我說開玩笑。你會怎樣回答？
玩不起就玩不起，不要動不動傳簡訊給我就是責怪我。
如果你沒有朋友，那就檢討自己。

每次為了維護大家的友誼，我都率先道歉。
雖然我不認為自己有錯。

很生氣。
卻找不到可以傾訴的對象。

Test 1 Math

15% of the overall test.. And i thk i burned half..
Some careless..
And the last ques cant do..

Cox i substitute wrongly..

why i so stupid substitute 1/3.. shud be 3 only..

I really study 3 days continuously.. and did all the past year ques..
but why ended up like this...
Sigh..
I hate myself..

界限

之前，聽說Susan和他的direct有點鬧僵了。
問他的direct,BP為什麼要搞到這樣的地步？
他說，senior和junior本來就不應該太熟。
最好只僅有學業上的關係。

當初我不了解為什麼。

現在，我漸漸懂了。
依賴，會成為最明顯的東西。

你習慣了有senior的幫忙，習慣了他的簡訊。
當有一天，你得不到你所盼望的，那種失落感，我最不想經歷。
會逼自己去忘記，不去想。
可是，也不代表你真的遺忘這種失落。

開始要拉了。
我們之間，那一條繩子的界限，應該明顯化。
最初，我都忽略了。

過了，我應該是時候自己跌倒自己爬。

有一天，我會是一個能獨當一面的人。

幫我加油吧！

After 2 weeks entering UTM

sigh.. first of all, i'm sorry to u guys for not updating my blog.. 
U noe la.. i very lazy..


and over here, i lent my laptop to my room-mate to online,
so practically i dun have time to online..
And the line sometimes very lag..


First week enter, kinda tired...
everyday briefing, go to dewan oso briefing..
until the last day, early morning i slep for 2 hours in dewan..
haha, consider brave d lo..
coz camera wil try to shoot on so called 'special' ppl..
haha.. then the whole hall wil noe..
at nite slep at 1 sumting, morning 5 sumtin wake up.. kesian saya..
but i heard my room-mate say her bf is in UPM, and their orientation still on..
haha..
Basically, I adapted to this hostel environment very fast..
Now im not lazy to wash clothes.. i'm proud of myself.. lolx


Second week,
Class started.. oh ya, forgot to tel u all..
here got one leng lui named Lok Yen Yen, and her chinese name pronounce ying2..
haha, so in here i use Janyce.. if not very confusing leh..
And my course got 2 cheeyung.. 
thr is one day i went to PK = Pusat Kesihatan,
met another cheeyung.. lolx.. but is KE = Kejuruteraan Elektrik...


At 11 July2010, my special complicated fren drove from kl to my place jz to celebrate earlier birthday with me.. so happy.. funny leh, we drove up down JB-Skudai a few times until we already familiar with the road and taman..


Tues and Wed, kesian MC.. 
I make him accompany me watch movie for 2 days...The Eclipse(cheeyung want to watch), and Tong Pak Fu dim Chao Heong 2
but stil cant get the movie i wanted to watch - Karate Kids..
At last he transfer the movie from his fren to me..haha..


Thursday 15/07/2010
My birthday...And my FB are Spam with birthday wishes..
haha.. thx alot leh.. so happy.. all together got 92 wishes...
Early in the morning got class... then makan lunch..
at 2.15pm got briefing abt PESAT = Persatuan Sains & Teknologi
until 4pm plus plus.. sit bus go back hostel...KDSE = Kolej Datin Seri Endon
far leh.. reach  hostel abt 5 sumting d.. faster take bath then go to Meranti makan..
coz need to meet up with 2nd year senior at 7pm.. KRP = Kolej Rahman Putra
at night we wait for 10pm bus after meeting..

At my cafeteria, Mc bought me a cake, Strawberry de..
In the dark.. beautiful candle.. haha
Thomas was there too, which have good voice in singing..
I recorded leh... and i made my direct senior sing for me... lolx
That day sweat alot la.. but happy.. got notes somemore, although i haven buka to see..
Told ya, im lazy.. un-rescue-able d..


Friday nite, my room-mate Yi-Chien (1k), cheeyung, Mc go challenge ourself...
(MC is forced by me) in so called Haunted Forest...
Took bus out from my college to main bus stop at FAB...
We wait n wait n wait, no bus to K11... WTH...
So we take taxi.. and the taxi driver misunderstand and drove up to Bukit Cherapan..
More expensive we need to pay, but nice oso the view on top...^^
Got chance i want  to go back and yan seong...
shud started at 9pm.. but i thk they start at10 something after all registeration..

In the forest, we walk in pair for 20 minutes ++...quite tortured for our leg..
it was like jungle tracking, but got to get prepared, cox gt 'thg' wil scare u when u pass by..
The soil are wet.. slippery.. my room-mate and i surpass quite fast and we met the pair in front of us...
so they bring road.. haha

got one gal never go kem b4, keep fell down..
honestly, we cant even see the road, we jz follow the small rope jz by holding it..
at once we saw a light, we thought we r reaching destination, but ended up jz a fire to burn mosquitoes medic
Cheh, coz when i saw the light, i Said, I never knew light was so important to us...
First time im so excited seeing light eventhough it is jz small tiny one..
When all of us are out, im impressed that MC only dirty abit at shoes...geng wo
yuan lai he went for PLKN, zhadao.. but oso impressed..
Reach kolej at 2.30am...


Saturday morning got PESAT activity, due to the tiredness, we skipped..
I wake up at 12pm, wash for the 3 rd time the clothes 2 days ago which kena colour.
take bath and go out makan since Mc alr out there with fren..Took bus out at 2.50pm reach out side at 3.10pm...and go jusco walk walk.. 
come back after dinner, wash 2nd round clothes and shoes..


Sunday again wake up at 10am, take my lunch at Oldtown.. 
raining suddenly, so we go 1 hour for cc after makan.. haha
first time enter cc play game..
after that come bk abt 2 sumting, tapao food for mc fren, first time i see KP, K10 and K9
then take laptop go to my kolej kafeteria online.. watch Karate Kids.. at 3pm
and started to read my TITAS, until late at night 11pm..



Monday which is yst, nth much to talk abt...
got la.. we go find senior here and thr jz to get their signature...
3pm amali briefing.. after that mc bring his laptop for me to online find chem thg..
4pm my room-mate, cheeyung and i go for interview to bcum chinese teacher.. lolx
then continue find senior..
until 6.45pm only we go back kolej and bath..
Come down to kafeteria with mc laptop..
Lepas makan, my room-mate n i start to do Chem homework online..
and kesian Mc, need to wrap books for us.. haha



got one senior so good come to my kolej find us..
3 master 1 3rd yr senior...
and now i realise MC communication skill improved alot...


k la.. this is wat i had til yst.. i wil RMB to update again if i got time...


Miss u guys all... Muax