A Letter for My Grandpa

Dear Ah Gong,

6th February 2013
In the beginning of the horse year, you leaved me, my dad, us, the world...

I miss you... I miss you so much... Do you know that?

In front of others, I always stay strong. I work, I study, I play, basically I moved on. Seldom cry, do not mean that I had forget about you, it is just me that afraid to reminisce you, which in turn, definitely make me crying within seconds.

Your face, your warmth hands, your voice, your words, none of them I could ever forget, you are so close to me, which it is difficult for me to bear the lost of you in my life. What came into your mind, when you realised that you are leaving us behind? Feeling relieved?

My dearest, do you know how hurt am I when the cancer report came out stating your organs all had infected by the cancerous cells? You are stubborn, never tell us how much you are suffering from the sickness; insisted not to enter the hospitals, is it you that realised you might be leaving us soon, that is the reason why you requested to admit into the hospital?

I felt really bad that I do not aware that the first day of CNY would be the last time I see you in my life. Ah gong, I love  you so much, no matter what others say about you, I only care how do you treat me since I was young, following your back here and there, forcing you to play card games with me. The laughter we had, the advices you gave, your temper (hehe..), all the memories we had while we go for travelling, especially the one that we have in China, back to our origin.

You know what? I m always proud of you, whenever my friends ask about my grandpa. I would happily said, "my grandpa very healthy, still can walk at the age of 80++. He doesn't like dirtiness, always store a packet of tissue in his side pocket of his shirts,  used it to wipe the table (stain/water droplet), the second tissue paper he pull out - he would fold it nicely and wipe his mouth, slow and steady... When he was younger, he has a very strong will, he could stop taking opium when he decided to, no matter how much he need to suffer in the process of getting rid of the addiction."

I am always proud to be born with your surname. Your stubbornness, helped you stay long enough, waited me to come back for CNY, you leave me when I leaved KL.. Dear, you kept your promise for this, it is good enough for me...

You never know how much I wished that you could have the chance to meet my bf or future husband, and tell me whether he matched me... and for now, the last wish from me is that you can enjoy yourself in another world, please guide me through my dream if I had any difficulties, because I  need you, forever.



Sincerely,
Your beloved granddaughter, Ying.